Choices
by SiriuslyFour'sGirl
Summary: Alec handed back Magnus's book that night in Alicante. And it had been the right decision…it had. Perhaps one day he would believe that. This is a short, angsty Malec story. **Contains mention of major spoilers for CoHF and CP2. Please don't read if you haven't read those books...I hate spoiling books for others!
1. Chapter 1

_He could see the path in front of him very clearly: He could hand back the book, walk away from Magnus, find someone else, some Shadowhunter to love, be with him, share the kinship of predictable days and nights, the daily poetry of an ordinary life._

_Or he could take the step out into nothingness and choose Magnus, the far stranger poetry of him, his brilliance and anger, his sulks and joys, the extraordinary abilities of his magic and the no less breathtaking magic of the extraordinary way he loved._

_Alec sighed. He was afraid, afraid of getting hurt again, of not being what Magnus wanted, of not being able to handle the consequences of their love. He took a deep breath, and handed back the journal. He mustered every ounce of strength he possessed, rose to his feet, and walked away. He didn't look back. He couldn't bare to see the pain he knew was etched into Magnus's face._

Alec shook his head free of the memory. A relationship with Magnus would have been too hard. Love shouldn't be that difficult. There shouldn't be so many barriers down the path of true love. He had been overwhelmed, and made his decision. And it had been the right decision…it had. Perhaps one day he would believe that.

"Hey, baby," a voice said, drawing Alec from his thoughts. He cringed at the use of the term 'baby.' He had never been one for pet names, of that Magnus could attest. Magnus. By the angel he had to stop thinking about Magnus. Ten years had passed since that night on the rooftop in Alicante. It was long past time he got over this.

He turned to his boyfriend, and forced a smile. "Hey."

Ethan leaned in and kissed him gently on the lips. "What are you doing out here in the cold?" he asked, his voice slightly tainted with concern.

"I'm not cold," he answered automatically. He wasn't. If anything, he was numb. He looked out over the muddy brown Ohio River as it snaked it's way through the city he now called home: Louisville, Kentucky. He had spent two years in Alicante after the war. He told everyone he wanted to learn from the Clave and the Consel, but in reality, he was hiding. He knew that Alicante was the one place his warlock ex-boyfriend couldn't reach him, not without permission.

During that time, the Clave decided to build an Institute in Louisville. Up until then, Louisville had been a smaller, more intimate city. But it's growth had catapulted, bringing with it a demon population that scarcely had been a problem for the city before. When the Institute was complete, Alec was offered the job of heading it. He eagerly accepted. He had always wanted to head an Institute, but knew he was too young and inexperienced to get one in a major city like New York, Los Angeles or Chicago. This was his chance, his fresh start at a new life.

This was also where he met Ethan. Ethan had shown up at the Institute needing a place to stay. Since all Institutes were freely accessible to Shadowhunters, he had taken up residence, and decided to stay much longer than his original plan. Ethan was attractive, strong and tall, with sandy brown hair and piercing green eyes. He wasn't flashy like Magnus. Hell, he was _nothing_ like Magnus. He was sweet and friendly, and eventually caught Alec's eye romantically. They talked openly and freely, except that Alec avoided ever taking about Magnus. They trained together, and eventually, they fell in love. Their relationship had been exactly as he had predicted in his thoughts that night on the rooftop in Alicante: safe, predictable, ordinary.

Ethan knew about Magnus of course, but to Alec's knowledge, all he knew was that Alec and Magnus had dated briefly. He knew that after their break-up, Magnus was among the people captured by Sebastian during the war, and Alec had gone with Jace and the others to rescue the hostages. Alec made it sound like he was just going to protect Jace, his _parabatai_, and the others and to fulfill his duty as Shadowhunter. He had never mentioned anything about Magnus trying to get him back when they returned from Edom. No, that he kept very close to the vest, protecting himself with his secrets.

"Alec? Are you even listening to me?" Ethan said.

"What?" he said, shaking his head clear again. "I'm sorry. You know how I get this time of year."

Ethan nodded, and Alec was struck with a pang of guilt.

Ethan took his hand, and Alec noted the stark contrast between the warmth of Ethan and the cold of his own hand. It really was too cold to be sitting outside thinking. "Come on," Ethan said, pulling Alec to his feet and leading him back inside.

The Louisville Institute was much smaller than the one he had grown up in. It wasn't much bigger than a small warehouse, really. It had the usual basic rooms: kitchen, library, weapons room, training room, and approximately twenty bedrooms and bathrooms. Nothing big, nothing fancy. It didn't have the castle-like feel of the ancient Institutes, like London, or even the cathedral feel of the one in Manhattan. It was small, and quaint, and Alec liked it that way.

Ethan led him to the library, Alec's favorite place to sit and reflect on his life. He usually preferred to do this alone, but Ethan stayed today. Ethan rubbed Alec's hands between his own to warm them, seating him next to the fireplace, and then wrapped a blanket around his shoulders. Strictly speaking, Alec didn't care much for being pampered, but accepted Ethan's attempt without comment.

"I want to ask you something, Alec," Ethan said, and Alec could feel a tremble in the hands that were holding his. He lifted his eyes to meet Ethan's, and smiled at the love he saw reflected there. With an unexplained sense of foreboding, he nodded encouragingly to Ethan. Ethan cleared his throat and said, "You know I love you. I have since the day I met you. I want to spend our lives together, Alec. Will you marry me?"

Alec sucked in a harsh breath. He had not been expecting a proposal, though he had feared one would come eventually. His mind was racing. What should he do? What should he say? He loved Ethan, he really did, but he still loved Magnus so very much. His heart was torn, and somehow, he didn't think that was the best way to start a marriage. Ethan had been his boyfriend for more than six years. They shared a home in the form of the Institute, they shared a bed, they shared a life. But marriage? How could it possibly be fair to Ethan to marry him when Magnus still had a piece of his heart, a rather large piece at that.

He realized Ethan was still nervously waiting for an answer. He smiled sadly at him. "Gay marriage isn't legal in Kentucky," he said, and kissed him gently.

* * *

><p>Alec watched as Ethan collected their bags from the luggage carousel. They had taken a short flight to New York for Christmas, and the airport was bustling with activity. When Ethan drew near, he fell into step beside him and they exited the building. Alec hailed a cab, and gave the driver the address to the Institute.<p>

Alec wished they could have created a Portal to New York instead of flying, but the Shadow World was still fairly sparse in Louisville, and the only warlock around had been quite busy doing other things. Besides, he tried to avoid warlocks as much as possible, the only exception being when he was going to New York and needed to make sure that Magnus was not going to be there. He knew the city was not big enough for both of them, even all these years later.

Magnus had left his apartment in Brooklyn after the war. He was traveling, never staying too long in one place. Alec's informants said he was sightseeing, but Alec knew better. Magnus didn't want to risk running into him any more than he wanted to run into Magnus. As far as Alec knew Magnus had not returned to New York since their break-up.

The cab pulled up outside the Institute and Ethan retrieved their luggage from the trunk, then paid the driver. After a skeptical look at the dilapidated building and a concerned glance at the two men, the cabbie roared away and was quickly consumed by traffic.

Alec led the way to the huge front doors of his childhood home, a place he no longer felt comfortable. Of course, that wasn't the fault of the Institute, or even it's occupants. It was the city in general. He had returned for holidays and special occasions, like Jace and Clary's wedding, and every time he got a sick, restless feeling. He felt the anxiety starting to build in him now as he laid his hands on the doors, which immediately parted to allow them entrance.

He barely noticed the clang of the metal elevator as it carried them to the upper floors, or the screech as it halted. They spilled into the corridor that led to the kitchen and Alec reflexively looked around for Church, even though he knew that cat no longer lived there. Yet another piece of his childhood that was gone, though he didn't really miss the cat. Church had been quite a menace when he wanted to be.

The sounds of plates clattering and the clink of cutlery reached them far before the got to the kitchen. The din of his family's chatter burst from the room as he opened the door, then all went silent as everyone turned to stare at the intruders. A moment later, a ruckus ensued, in which he barely discerned the high-pitched squeal of his sister just before she threw her arms around him.

He hugged Izzy tightly, as one by one he was greeted by his family. He had to admit it was good to see them. He missed them very much when he was holed up in Louisville, but that didn't detract from the tightening knot in his stomach, the sense of urgency that he knew there was only one way to cast aside.

He helped his family carry the abundance of food to the table in the adjoining dining room. He tried to focus on the conversations around him, but as always, his mind returned to Magnus every time he set foot in New York. Memories flooded him as turkey and stuffing and potatoes and jam cake were passed around the table. He absently piled food onto his plate as he remembered the precise color of Magnus's eyes, and the feel of Magnus's hands on his hips.

He pushed his food around his plate, not really eating anything, as the excited babble continued around him. Unbidden, Ethan's proposal popped into his mind, conflicting harshly with his memories of Magnus. He wasn't sure how much more he could take before he exploded. He really needed to get away, to be alone for a bit.

"Alexander? What do you think?"

At the sound of his name, his head shot up. He had no idea who had spoken to him, or what they had said. He had been lost inside his own mind. How pathetic for this to still be happening to him ten years later…

His eyes landed on Jace first, who thankfully darted his eyes between him and his mother, silently conveying that she was the one who was speaking to him. Jace smiled at the look of relief on Alec's face. He turned to his mother and said, "I'm sorry, mom. What did you say?"

Ethan was looking rather excited about something, which immediately put him on edge. His mother smiled indulgently at him, which was odd in itself. "I said, I am planning to retire and move back to Idris. Your father and I are going to try to work things out between us."

"Oh, that's great, mom," Alec said, relieved.

She smiled again. "I also said that I would like you to take over for me here, running the Institute."

Alec's mouth fell open. Was she serious? She wanted him to move back to New York? How could he do that when he couldn't even be in the city without wanting to escape. The knot in his stomach was worsening by the minute. He really needed to get out of there, get some fresh air, be alone.

Fortunately, his mother told him to think about it, and everyone headed to the library to get more comfortable. Alec pulled Jace aside as the others filed out of the room. Jace was the only one who knew or understood what Alec was feeling right now. He could talk to him.

"I need to go for a walk," Alec said without preamble.

Jace nodded. "I'm sure Maryse's request was difficult for you."

Alec shifted back and forth on his feet. "Ethan asked me to marry him."

Jace's eyes widened, and he swore under his breath. It was immediately clear that Jace understood what was going through Alec's mind at that moment, and his need to get away, clear his head. "Get out of here," Jace said. "I'll cover for you."

Relief flooded Alec's body and his shoulders sagged with it. "Thanks. I owe you one."

Jace snorted. "You owe me a lot more than one, Lightwood." Then he shoved him down the hall toward the elevator.

As soon as the crisp, cold air hit Alec's face he began to feel better. He started jogging, then full out running down the sidewalk, the tension draining from him as he went. He set no course, though he knew where he would end up. He just let his feet take him. The sounds of the city, people talking and car horns blowing, were merely background noise as he lost himself in his run. The sharp burn of his lungs as he drew in the cold air was a liberating feeling for him. The ache in his legs spurred him on. Pain was good. Pain was understood. Pain was comforting.

All too quickly, he found himself on an all too familiar street. His pace slowed to a jog, then a walk, and then he stopped completely. He looked up at the building that had held his life, even if only briefly. The building where he had received his first kiss, pushed against the wall outside Magnus's apartment. The building where he had fallen in love with a glittery, centuries-old warlock. The building where he had lost his virginity, sprawled out on Magnus's bed, completely and utterly in love.

The building had not changed, not that he had expected it to. The same rainbow curtains hung over Magnus's bedroom window. The same door kept him separate from the place he had once thought of as home. Everything was dark and quiet, and sad. But for some reason, just standing outside the building eased his mind, and brought rest to his soul. It was inexplicable, for he didn't actually want to _see_ Magnus. But Magnus was like a drug to him, and he was certainly an addict. Standing outside the apartment building was his fix.

As he stared at the building, some song lyrics popped into his head unbidden. "_Is it really him or the loss of my innocence I've been missing so much_?" Alec wasn't sure he had an answer for that question. His relationship with Magnus had been so turbulent, the good times were really good, but the bad times...All he knew was that he had never felt the way Magnus made him feel, before or since.

When he glanced back up to Magnus's window, the light was on. In ten years of him paying homage, the light had never been on. He was suddenly on alert. He knew Magnus was still avoiding New York and had not been back to his apartment in years. So who was there now?

A shadow passed across the window, blurry and indistinct. Then, he heard a loud crashing sound. What was going on? Had someone broken into Magnus's home, knowing the warlock had not been there for a long time? If so, how did they get past the defensive spells Magnus had surely left in place? There was no way a mundane could have done it, so the intruder must be from the Shadow World, and must be magical. Another warlock? A Faery? He didn't know.

There was also the question of _why_ had someone broken in. What did they hope to gain? An image of Magnus's extensive collection of spell books crept into his mind, along with fear. He had no idea what was in some of those spell books. If they fell into the wrong hands, he was sure the consequences could be dangerous, even catastrophic. Look at what Sebastian had managed to accomplish, and he wasn't even a warlock.

Without further hesitation, Alec darted across the street to the apartment building. He used his stele to create an opening rune to let himself into the building, and took the rickety flight of stairs two at a time. He listened intently outside Magnus's apartment, but didn't hear any further noises. His hand rested on the door knob and gently turned. It was open.

He pushed the door open as silently as possible, a small sliver of light illuminating the hallway and growing wider as the door eased further open. A quick survey of the room told him it was empty and everything appeared to be in its natural place. The kitchen and dining areas were dark, as were the other bedrooms down the hall. The only light came from Magnus's bedroom.

Alec thanked the Angel for the soundless rune as he moved silently down the hallway. Magnus's bedroom door was ajar, and he heard an angry voice grumble something indistinct. He withdrew a dagger from his belt. He was not heavily armed, as it was Christmas and he had not been in gear when he left the Institute, but years of living in the Shadow World had taught him to never be completely defenseless. He drew the dagger up past his ear as he forced his way into the room, ready for whatever awaited him.

Only he was _not_ ready for what awaited him. He was not ready for the outburst of shock from the familiar figure inside the room. He was not ready to come face to face with the man that haunted his dreams.

"_Alexander!_" Magnus shouted, his hand flying up to cover his heart, shock plainly written all over his face. "What the hell are you doing here?" He stood in the midst of what looked like the contents of half a dozen boxes tumped upside down. Papers and books and clothes and miscellaneous items littered the floor around him.

"Magnus?" Alec said, his voice just as stunned.

Recovering from the unexpected surprise of seeing his ex-boyfriend materialize in his bedroom, Magnus said, "Alec, could you please put your weapon away?"

Alec had completely forgotten about the dagger, still raised by his head. It seemed he had also forgotten how to breathe and speak, and perhaps his heart had forgotten to beat. No, it was beating. It was hammering against his ribs as if trying to break free. Alec slowly lowered the weapon, instinctively replacing it in his belt. He didn't take his eyes off Magnus.

"Wh-what are you doing here?" he stammered.

Magnus cocked an eyebrow. "I could ask you the same thing, considering this is _my _apartment," he replied pointedly.

Alec laughed sheepishly, and ran his hand through his hair. "I…I thought someone had broken in. I…"

Magnus looked bemused. "You came to rescue me?"

Alec dropped his gaze, toeing at a stray ball on the floor. He had no idea what the ball was, or what, if anything, it did. And he couldn't believe _that_ was what his mind was focusing on at the moment. "I didn't know you would be here," he whispered.

"I see," Magnus said, and something in his voice made Alec look up. What had he heard? Surely his words hadn't _hurt_ Magnus. The implications were too huge.

"I shouldn't be here," Alec said hurriedly. "I'm sorry for barging in." He looked around the room, not seeing any of the mess. "It looks like you have everything under control here."

He turned to go, and Magnus said, "Wait! Please, Alec. Can't you stay for a few minutes?"

Alec hesitated. "I don't know, Magnus."

Magnus moved closer to him and Alec's body thrummed from the close proximity. He was wound tighter than a drum. Seemingly unaware of Alec's response to him, Magnus said, "It's been ten years, Alec. Just stay for a little while, please."

Alec found he was unable to speak. He nodded his head and watched as Magnus flicked his hand, righting all the mess in his room, and then led him into the living room. He sank onto the familiar couch as a barrage of images raced through his mind. Kissing in front of the fireplace, Alec resting with his head on Magnus's lap, making love on this very couch.

He was no longer in control of his mind, and seriously doubted he had much control of his body. Magnus sat down next to him, and smiled cautiously. "Are you alright?" He spoke as if talking to a frightened animal, and maybe that was an accurate description of him right now.

Alec shook his head. "My boyfriend asked me to marry him," he blurted. His eyes widened when he realized what he had said. Why the hell had he said that to Magnus? It was none of his business, and not something he wanted to discuss. Apparently his mind really had checked out of the conversation.

Magnus gazed back at him stoically. "And what did you say?"

"I told him gay marriage wasn't legal in Kentucky," Alec said to his hands.

Magnus stifled a grin. "I didn't realize Shadowhunters obeyed mundane laws."

"We don't."

"I see."

Alec looked up at that. Did Magnus see? Did he know how Alec felt? Surely not. No one in their right mind would still harbor feelings for someone they had a three month relationship with ten years ago. He put his head back in his hands, trying to calm his emotions.

"Why are you here, Alec?"

"I always come here when I'm in town," Alec said, again without thinking. He closed his eyes, knowing Magnus was watching him. He heard a sharp intake of breath.

"Why?"

The intensity of Magnus's gaze warmed him, and did nothing to steady his mind or nerves. He answered reflexively. "Because I still love you."

He heard the couch springs groan, felt the dip as Magnus settled closer to him. Then suddenly he was in Magnus's arms, and Magnus was kissing him. He was launched into a tailspin, a mixture of his past and the feelings that were reawakening in him. His passion for Magnus had always been high. He had kissed the man in front of the entire Clave, for Angel's sake.

He found himself straddling Magnus's lap, with no recollection of how he got in that position. His palms cupped Magnus's cheeks as he kissed him with such force that he pressed Magnus's head into the back of the couch. If he was too rough, Magnus wasn't complaining. Magnus kissed him back just as fiercely, as if his whole life depended on it.

He lost himself in the kiss, in the feel of Magnus's arms around him, holding him tightly. The last ten years melted away and he was eighteen years old, wanting desperately to make love to his boyfriend. He pressed his body to Magnus's, arching against him and rocking his hips to grind against his pelvis. Magnus moaned against his mouth. How many times had he made Magnus do that in the past?

Magnus's hands slid beneath his shirt, and he felt pricks of electricity every place their skin contacted. His senses were heightened, and he reacted to every one of Magnus's touches. He felt the material of his shirt rise and the cool air kiss his skin. He raised his arms, momentarily breaking from the kiss to allow Magnus to remove his shirt and cast it aside. Then, he was on Magnus again in a flash. He could practically feel the steam rising from his body, hear the sizzle of the passion between them.

He wanted to feel Magnus's skin against his, and before he could stop himself, he gripped the edges of Magnus's button-up shirt and ripped them apart. Buttons clattered to the floor giving Alec satisfaction in his own power. Stoked by Alec's ferocity, Magnus kissed him harder, forcing his tongue into Alec's mouth, tasting him. Alec groaned as Magnus's tongue brushed his, sending a quiver through his body. Their movements were urgent, uncontrolled, greedy.

Magnus's hands slid down Alec's body, stopping at his waistband. He felt the tug of his belt buckle being loosed, and the brush of leather as the ends parted. Magnus unfastened his pants, letting the fly hang open and giving Alec much needed relief of his burgeoning erection. Alec's hands were tangled in Magnus's hair, holding him still while he kissed him breathless. He felt the stiff fabric of Magnus's pants opening and grazing against his bare abdomen.

There was no more they could do in this position. Alec slid off Magnus's lap, stepping on the hem of his pants and drawing them off his body. He stood before Magnus, naked save for his underwear, which were tented away from his body suggestively. Magnus's eyes raked his body, full of undisguised passion and lust, and maybe something else that Alec was hesitant to name. He reached up, gripped the edges of Alec's boxers and tugged them off. There was no mistaking the look of anticipation on Magnus's face.

Alec caught Magnus's hands as they rested on his hips and drew him to his feet. He slipped his hands below the waistband of Magnus's tight jeans and wriggled them free. He was suddenly unsure what to do next. Should he shove Magnus back down on the couch or take him to the bedroom? In his moment of indecision, Magnus wrapped him in his arms and pressed him toward the hallway.

Alec's primal reactions reengaged, and he shoved Magnus against the wall. He pressed his body into Magnus's as his lips reclaimed what was his. The kiss was so hot, so frenzied, so full of need. He felt Magnus's hand against the back of his head, the other positioned at the small of his back, and he pushed against Magnus, craving more contact, more touches, more kisses, more, more, more.

They spun around, and tumbled into the bedroom. The backs of Alec's knees contacted the edge of the mattress and gave out. He landed, ungracefully, on the mattress and Magnus wasted no time climbing on top of him.

In that moment, when everything became very real, Magnus paused, looking down at Alec as if waiting for permission. Like Alec hadn't just attacked him on the couch? He gave no thought to the situation, no hint of hesitation, no consideration for the consequences. He placed his palms against Magnus's cheeks and brought their mouths back together, giving Magnus all the permission he needed to continue.

As Magnus slid inside Alec, Alec let out a shamelessly wanton groan. He felt Magnus's body tremble against him as he buried himself deep in Alec's warmth. His body acted from memory, finding Magnus's most sensitive places with ease, touching him in ways he knew would drive the warlock crazy. He was not disappointed. Magnus's body reacted to his touch just as he knew it would. He could feel the raw tension in his coiled muscles, the strain of those muscles as he sought to give Alec pleasure.

Alec writhed beneath him, his hands burning a fiery trail along Magnus's body, groping him, coaxing him, begging him for more. Magnus's hot breath came out in harsh pants against Alec's flesh, sending ripples of goose flesh across his skin. Alec threw his head back against the pillow, his body tightening in pleasure and meeting Magnus with every thrust. Magnus's movements were already becoming erratic. Alec rolled his hips to take him deeper, to find the spot he needed Magnus to abuse, and Magnus made a low groan at the change of angle.

Alec felt his release building, aided by the grunts and pants and moans emitting from Magnus, by the feel of Magnus's hands on his body and the sparks that made his skin jump with each contact, and by the taut muscles working beneath his own fingertips as his hands traveled up and down Magnus's lithe, sexy body. He felt Magnus's body tense, a shuddering earthquake course through him, and Magnus bit down hard on his neck, marking him, as he release deep inside him. The combination of sensations, pain from the bite and pleasure from Magnus's trembling body, pushed Alec over the edge and he felt his own fluid erupt violently from him arousal, painting his abdomen and chest.

Magnus collapsed on top of him and he held him tightly against his body. It took an extraordinarily long time for their bodies to recover, for them to return to their senses. Magnus's hair draped across Alec's face and he inhaled the earthy scent of sandalwood that he had longed to smell again. He ran his fingers through the soft hair, his sharp breaths puffing tufts away from his face and making them tickle him when they landed again. He could feel Magnus's heart hammering against his chest, his own beating slightly faster than the warlock's. He had forgotten how steady Magnus's heartbeat had always been, how comforted it had always made him feel.

By the Angel, it had been so long since he had endured so much passion, so much pleasure. He hadn't even realized how much his body had craved the veritable onslaught of sensations that had coursed through him as he made love with Magnus. He felt like he was eighteen again, and controlled by his hormones and the intensity of his love for Magnus. How had he not realized what he had been missing with Ethan?

Ethan. _Oh Angel, what have I done_? He hadn't thought about Ethan once since he first kissed Magnus. He had been so completely consumed by his desire and need to be with Magnus again.

He felt Magnus withdraw from him and roll off his body. He didn't know what to do, how to feel, what to say. So he buried his face against Magnus's chest, and faked sleeping. He knew he would have to face the music and deal with what he had done soon enough, but right now, he just wanted to be in Magnus's arms a little longer.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: The song is "Strawberry Wine" by Deana Carter.**


	2. Chapter 2

Alec sat on the edge of Magnus's bed, his head in his hands, his sheet bunched around his waist. He was appalled by what he had done. This was why he had avoided Magnus all these years, why he only agreed to go to New York if he knew that Magnus wouldn't be there. He knew his self-control would falter if he ever saw Magnus again. He knew he would want Magnus, he would _always_ want Magnus. Their relationship had been the most passionate thing he had ever experienced. How could he not crave that?

After his breakup with Magnus, he had slept with another Shadowhunter in Alicante. It had taken him nearly two years to be intimate with someone else. He likely wouldn't have done it then if he hadn't been preparing to leave for Louisville a few weeks later and knew the relationship would not continue. He had been nowhere near over Magnus, hell he still wasn't, but he had wanted to test the waters to see if he could do it. The sex was good, but didn't hold a candle to Magnus.

Once he arrived in Kentucky, he was lonelier than he'd ever been. His family was in New York, and he knew no one in the city where he lived. There were only a handful of werewolves, a few vampires and one warlock in Louisville. Even the Shadowhunter population was non-existent yet. On a whim he had gone to a bar and met a guy. He was gorgeous, brown hair, blue eyes, five o'clock shadow, tight-fitting blue jeans and cowboy boots. He had gone home with the guy and they had fucked each other every which way imaginable. It had been hot and sweaty and sexy…but still not Magnus.

And then there was Ethan. Ethan was a patient, gentle lover. He didn't really have any issues with their sex life, but he did not have the passion for Ethan that he had for Magnus. Magnus did it for him, and he feared no one would ever match that.

Ethan was so different from Magnus in other ways, too. He was calm, easygoing, and stable, where Magnus was vibrant and moody and passionate. He loved them both, in completely different ways.

And now he had done the unthinkable. He had cheated on his boyfriend, the man who wanted to marry him. How would he ever look Ethan in the face again? How could he even begin to explain? There was no way. Someone was going to get hurt here, and it would all be his fault. He wished he could be the only one to pay the price for his transgressions, but that wasn't possible. He knew by the way Magnus had held him and made love to him that he still cared about Alec. He had walked away from Magnus before. Would he have the strength to do it again? Did he _want _to walk away again?

He heard Magnus stir behind him, then felt the soft touch of Magnus's hand on his bare back.

"Come back to bed, Alec," Magnus said, his voice heavy with sleep. Alec shook his head, still buried in his hands. He couldn't face Magnus.

"What's wrong?"

Alec laughed harshly. "What's wrong? Everything's wrong, Magnus. I just cheated on my boyfriend. I'm a horrible person." His voice was so full of anguish, even to his own ears.

He felt the bed shake, then the lightness as Magnus rose to his feet. He saw Magnus's feet standing before him, and eventually raised his head to look at him. His eyes trailed up Magnus beautiful, naked body, and he felt a squirm in his groin. What was wrong with him? He felt awful about sleeping with Magnus, yet he was getting aroused just by looking at him.

"What are you going to do?" Magnus asked with barely concealed worry.

Alec shook his head again. "I have no idea."

Magnus made an impatient noise. "Look, Alec, I let you go once. I didn't want to, but I respected your wishes. And now it's ten years later, and I'm still hopelessly in love with you. I'm not letting you go without a fight this time."

Alec stared at him in disbelief. Magnus was still in love with him? What kind of man could hold on that long after such a short relationship? He certainly hadn't thought Magnus would. Had he made a mistake all those years ago?

He couldn't deal with this right now. He shouldn't be here. None of this should have ever happened. Without a word, he pushed himself off the bed and strode toward the door. He needed clothes. Baring his naked body in front of Magnus was too much right now. He needed to get away. He needed to _think._ He heard Magnus call to him as he exited the bedroom in search of this clothes.

"What are you running from, Alec?"

He didn't answer. He found his clothes where he had left them hours ago, casually strewn about the living room in his mad haste to take something that wasn't his to take. _How could Ethan ever forgive him for what he had done? _he thought as he tugged on his underwear. _How could he ever forgive himself?_

He slipped into his jeans, quickly fastening the fly as he turned around and saw Magnus, now wearing a robe, thank the Angel, standing near the window. A fire crackled merrily in the fireplace, where a moment ago there had been darkness. The curtain was partially drawn, leaving a wide sliver of light to illuminate Magnus's honey-colored skin. He wore a dark expression, tense, firm, resolute, as he gazed out the window. Alec was struck, not for the first time, at how beautiful the warlock was. He was…perfect. Perfect skin, perfect amount of haughty demeanor, perfectly unique green-gold eyes with their wonderfully weird slit pupils. He felt the stirring in his groin again, which released him from his appraisal of Magnus's body, and he turned to hunt for his shirt.

"Where are you going, Alec?" Magnus said casually from the corner.

Alec turned back around. "I have to go. I need to get back to the Institute, to my boyfriend."

Magnus remained stoic, showing no emotion on his remarkable face. "I think you need to see this," he said, turning away from the window to catch Alec's eye.

"Magnus-"

"Just come here. Please." His voice held a command that gave Alec a sense of foreboding. Magnus had never really commanded him to do anything. They had been partners, they had made their own decisions.

He strode across the room, hesitantly, and stood next to Magnus. Magnus was a few inches taller than him, and he cast his gaze down to capture Alec's brilliant blue eyes. "I don't think you are going anywhere," he stated matter-of-factly.

Alec turned his gaze out the window, and immediately knew what Magnus meant. Snow had fallen in the hours that he had been in Magnus's apartment, and the city was blanketed in white. The rooftops and windows visible from their vantage point were covered in fluffy white powder, unbroken as far as the eye could see. That wasn't good. Unbroken snow usually indicated deep snow.

Alec turned to Magnus in alarm. "I have to get home," he said with urgency.

Magnus shook his head. "I'm afraid you aren't going anywhere. You will never get a cab in this weather. Walking home in this kind of weather could be hazardous, even deadly, even for a Shadowhunter."

"What am I going to do?" Alec's voice was little more than a murmur. He had been so stupid in coming here. And now he was trapped. What would Ethan say?

Magnus cleared his throat. "I suppose I could make a Portal," he offered quietly, with great reluctance.

But Alec shook his head. "No. How could I possibly explain arriving at the Institute via Portal without involving you? I can't. There's no way."

"Then I guess you will have to stay," Magnus reasoned.

"Stay?" Alec blurted. "I can't stay here!"

Magnus placed his hands on Alec's shoulders and Alec felt a jolt of energy that had nothing to do with Magnus's magic. "There is more than six inches of snow out there, Alec. Likely closer to a foot. There is no way I'm letting you leave here in these conditions."

Alec took a step back. He didn't particularly care for Magnus saying he wouldn't _let_ him do something. He was a Shadowhunter after all. Reading his thoughts in his expression, Magnus sighed and said, "I'm a four-hundred-year-old warlock and you are very lightly armed. I can keep you here by force if necessary, but I hope it won't come to that."

Alec's eyes narrowed angrily, but he quickly relented. He knew Magnus was right. He had no other choice but to stay here tonight and hope that he could get a cab home in the morning once the roads were plowed. He sighed and from the corner of his eye saw Magnus's posture sag with relief. He didn't want to admit how Magnus worrying about him made him feel.

He dug his phone out of his pocket and turned on the screen.

_Get somewhere private and call me_, he typed and hit send.

A few long moments later, his phone rang. He answered it on the first ring.

"Where the hell are you?" Jace's voice said through the phone.

"I'm okay," he replied. "I'm…I'm with Magnus."

Jace swore. "Alec-"

"Don't say it, Jace. I already know."

He heard Jace sigh. "What are you going to do?"

"I honestly don't know. Have you looked outside?"

"No. Why?"

Alec ran his hand through his hair. "There's nearly a foot of snow on the ground. I can't get a cab, and I'm pretty sure Magnus isn't going to let me walk home." He glanced up at Magnus and saw the curt nod he gave at that statement.

"What about having Magnus make a Portal?"

"Do you have a good explanation as to why I would suddenly appear by Portal that wouldn't piss off my boyfriend?" He heard Magnus shift in the corner.

"No."

"Me either. I'm trapped here." Why he looked at Magnus when he said that was beyond him. Magnus didn't make a sound, but his mouth transformed into a straight line and he looked like he was concentrating all his efforts into keeping his thoughts to himself.

"Seriously, Alec, what are you going to do?"

"I'm going to stay here," he said, avoiding Jace's real question.

Jace made an impatient noise. "I mean about Ethan. Are you going to tell him you slept with Magnus?"

Alec nearly dropped the phone. Was he really that transparent? He turned away from Magnus's prying eyes. "How did you know that?" he hissed into the phone.

Jace snorted. "Oh, please. You've been gone for hours, then you call and say you're with Magnus. It doesn't exactly take your best friend to put two and two together…"

"Is Ethan mad?" His heart gave a little patter of trepidation as he asked the question.

"Has Ethan ever been mad at you? I don't think the guy knows how to get mad."

Alec couldn't disagree with that. Ethan was the most gentle person he'd ever known. He often wondered how he made it as a Shadowhunter. Ethan was sweet and funny and smart…and he really didn't deserve what Alec had done to him. With a significant degree of self-loathing, he broke from his thoughts and returned his concentration to Jace.

"No, of course Ethan isn't mad. He's a great guy. I don't deserve him."

"Well, deserve him or not, you're going to have some explaining to do when you get home. So you better start thinking of what you want to say to him."

Alec's heart sank. "I know. Damn it, I never wanted to hurt him."

"I know you didn't. But this was bound to happen eventually."

"Why do you say that?"

Jace laughed. "I was there, Alec. I helped you try to pick up the pieces when Magnus broke up with you. I was with you in Edom. I know how hard you fought to keep it together when you didn't know if Magnus was alive or dead. I saw how it tore you apart when you almost lost him to his father. And then, you just gave up. You fought so hard to get him back, then you just walked away. You haven't been the same since. When you met Ethan we all thought 'Great, now maybe he will finally move on,' but it's so painfully obvious you're still hung up on Magnus."

Alec was stunned. He thought he had hidden his feelings pretty well. He knew Jace suspected how he really felt, but he didn't think the others knew. How could they know? He never,_ ever_ spoke about Magnus. Sure he would run off for a bit when he came to New York, but then he always came back feeling better. He had no idea he wasn't fooling anyone.

"I don't know what to say…"

"You don't have to say anything. Just take the opportunity you've been given."

"What do you mean?"

"Alec, don't you think it's strange that the first time you see Magnus in ten years there is a blizzard and you get snowed in at his apartment? Maybe it's divine intervention giving you a second chance with the love of your life."

"Jace…when did you get so…philosophical?"

Jace snorted. "I've always been philosophical. I just don't usually use my powers on you."

Alec laughed. "Look, Jace, just do me a favor. Tell Ethan I got caught in the storm and am spending the night at a hotel."

"You don't think he will want to talk to you?" Alec could hear the incredulity in Jace's voice.

"Tell him I'm really tired and am going to sleep. I'll talk to him tomorrow, or better yet, hopefully I'll see him tomorrow. Okay?"

"Okay, if you promise to talk to Magnus," Jace said stubbornly.

"What the hell else am I going to do. I'm snowed in at his apartment. I'm not going to ignore him," Alec bit out.

Jace laughed. "I can think of a few other things you can do…"

Alec groaned. "Bye, Jace." He paused for a second and then added, "And thanks."

"That's what friends are for," Jace said, and the line went dead.

Alec pocketed his phone and turned back to Magnus. He hadn't moved, other than folding his arms across his chest. He continued to stare out the window, as if ignoring Alec. But Alec knew better. He would bet anything that Magnus had heard every word of his conversation with Jace, and likely most of Jace's part as well.

He walked over to where Magnus stood and placed his hand on Magnus's crossed arms. He didn't know what compelled him to do that, but the need to touch Magnus was strong. Magnus slowly, almost lazily, turned his gaze to Alec. He watched as Magnus's eyes traveled from his face, down is bare chest, raking over the black lines of his permanent runes and the faint white scars of his temporary ones, then finally resting on his hand where it contacted his own skin. His eyes then flashed up to Alec's, reading him.

"Do you love him?"

"Who? Jace?" Alec said, and then he caught the dark look on Magnus's face and blushed.

"No, Ethan," Magnus said steadily. "Do you love him?"

Alec nodded. "I do."

"But you love me, too." It wasn't a question. He already knew the answer.

"Yes," Alec said softly.

Magnus's arms untwined and his expression softened. He hooked his fingers in Alec's belt loops and pulled him close before wrapping him in his arms. He held him close for several drawn-out moments, planting soft kisses against his temple and his hair.

"What am I going to do, Magnus?"

He felt Magnus's chest shake with his chuckle. "I don't think I'm the one to ask for advice. I think you know where I stand on this subject."

Alec broke away and paced a line in front of the couch. "I don't know what to do. I have to make an impossible choice, and whatever I choose, someone I love gets hurt. How am I supposed to choose when my heart is torn in two?"

Magnus finally left the sanctuary of his corner. He caught Alec's hands and dragged him onto the couch beside him. With a look that said he really didn't want to say what he was about to say, he said, "Tell me about Ethan."

Alec gaped at him. Was he serious? He wanted to talk about Alec's boyfriend? Alec heaved a sigh, knowing that, as awkward as this was sure to be, he needed to think and talk about it, and right now, Magnus was his only option for a sounding board.

"Ethan is great. He is sweet and he makes me laugh. He would do anything for me. He's gentle and he's stable, nothing every gets him worked up. Loving him is easy. We never fight. And he's a Shadowhunter. With him, I have everything I had hoped to have one day. I run an Institute, I have a steady partner, and we are accepted by the Clave and by my family." He paused and looked into Magnus's eyes, knowing his next words were going to hurt him. "He's everything that you are not."

Pain flashed through Magnus's eyes, but he kept his expression neutral. Alec reached out and took his hand. "He is a great guy, and I love him. My life is as predictable as I thought it would be that night in Alicante when I walked away from you. I thought taking the easy road would give me what I wanted. I thought that I wanted a nice, quiet, predictable life, well, as much as a Shadowhunter's life can be those things."

Magnus was having trouble containing his emotions. There was a stormy look in his eyes now as Alec pressed on. "What I didn't realize was that sometimes predictable means boring, and stable means without passion. I feel like I'm going through the motions of life sometimes. When I was with you, everything was unpredictable. Oh, not just because of you or us; there was a lot going on at that time. But I never knew when you would push me against the wall and kiss me breathless. And what happened a few hours ago? That would never happen with Ethan. I've never ripped his clothes off his body. I've never made love like that with anyone but you. He represents everything that is normal and stable in my life. You represent everything that is fun and wild, everything that makes life worth living. He's everything that you are not, but he's nothing that you are."

Magnus's mouth was gaping open. He closed it, drew a deep, steadying breath, and let it out slowly. "If that is true, why are you struggling to make this decision?"

Alec chewed his lip. "Well, for starters, you are not exactly an easy man to love. I was hopelessly lost when I was with you. I had no idea what I was doing, no idea how to handle your mood swings or how to know if I was making you happy. I was so confused." He shrugged. "I know more about relationships now. I'm more comfortable with reading people, or simply asking for what I want, and talking instead of just assuming I know what the other person is thinking. I've grown up, I guess."

"Okay. What else? You said 'for starters.'"

Alec sighed. "If I'm with you, I…I have to give up everything."

Magnus sucked in his breath. His eyes searched Alec's face, and Alec did his best to maintain the open honesty he was trying to portray. He could see the hurt in Magnus's eyes, the range of emotions that played across his face as Alec spoke.

"I don't mean to hurt you. It's just…I really love running the Institute. There is no way the Clave is going to let a warlock live at the Institute, even if he is dating the Shadowhunter in charge."

Magnus averted his eyes. "You don't know that," he said softly, his voice sounding defeated. "They let Tessa live with Will in London."

Alec smiled sadly. "Tessa was an exception because she was part Shadowhunter. You are not. If I chose you and ever want a chance at a life with you, at _living_ with you, I have to give up the Institute."

"You don't know that," Magnus said again, more forcefully. "Maybe they will make an exception…"

Alec snorted. "Clearly you have different memories of the Clave than I have."

But Magnus wasn't going to give up so easily. "Let me get this straight, you would spend the rest of your life with someone who doesn't even make you feel alive, just to run an Institute, instead of being with the man who can make your toes curl and your skin crawl with delight?"

Alec's eyes fluttered closed at those words and he was already semi-hard. By the Angel, did Magnus have an effect on him like no one else. He opened his eyes and looked back at Magnus. "There's more to life than just sex."

"And what we had was more than just sex. I love you, Alec. I've always loved you. That's not going to change any time soon."

"Why did you come back?" Alec said, suddenly needing to understand why all this was happening. "Why are you here tonight? You weren't supposed to be here?"

A mischievous glint reflected in Magnus's eyes. "How do you know where I was supposed to be?"

Alec swallowed hard. "I…I always make sure you're not in the city before I come home," he confessed.

"Why?"

"Because I knew if I saw you I wouldn't be able to control myself. I miss you, and I love you. I didn't want my emotions to control me, because I knew they would choose you."

"Alec…"

Alec didn't want to talk anymore. It wasn't helping. He knew where his heart lay, no matter how much he loved Ethan. His heart, and his body, would always want Magnus. He pulled Magnus to him, unable to control his urge any longer. "Don't talk," he said urgently. "Just kiss me."

Magnus didn't need to be told twice. He kissed him, oh Angel, did he kiss him. Alec was not surprised to find that their uncontrolled passion had not diminished in the hours that they had been together. It had been suppressed for so long, he wasn't sure if they would ever get enough of each other. Alec didn't even bother pretending that they weren't going to make love. He knew they would. It was what he wanted. He had already proven what a bastard he was. Why stop now?

Alec rose off the couch and hastily stripped his pants back off his body. Magnus slowly untied the knot of his robe and peeled the edges back with painful precision. Alec had no patience for that. He tugged the robe away from Magnus's beautiful, golden skin, revealing the lean muscles and smooth skin and an erection that was hard as stone. He licked his lips with anticipation.

He climbed onto Magnus's lap, straddling him, and their arousals brushed. He rocked his hips against Magnus, creating more friction and more need than he had ever felt in his life. His hands skimmed over Magnus's bare chest and shoulders, then around to lock behind his neck. He kissed him fiercely, a frenzy of lips and teeth and tongues. He let his desire for Magnus consume him, and he was unapologetic about it.

Alec rose up to his knees, brushing himself against Magnus's chest. "I need you inside me. Now," Alec said, his voice breaking and his hands shaking against Magnus's shoulders. Magnus guided himself to fulfill Alec's request, and sucked hard on Alec's neck and chest as Alec eased himself down onto Magnus's straining erection. He knew there would be marks on his body in the morning, marks that there was only one way to explain, but he was powerless to care about that right now. The feel of Magnus's mouth on him was too much to pass up. He relished it, savored it, wanted more.

Magnus seemed to understand that. Alec felt Magnus's wet tongue lick across his collarbone, followed with the sting of sharp bites, then lavished with soft, soothing kisses. It was almost too much for him. He nearly came apart at the seams, and he hadn't even started moving yet.

Magnus was buried deep inside him, his hands digging into Alec's hips deliciously. Alec crushed his lips to Magnus's again as Magnus slowly started moving. Oh Angel, it was amazing, better than anything he'd ever done with anyone else. Magnus made him feel like no one else ever had, or ever could. He felt special and loved and oh-so-good. He knew that nothing would ever compare to this, because he would never love anyone else the way he loved Magnus. Magnus was his first love, and he never got over him. He would love him forever.

Alec arched his back against Magnus, as a fine sheen of sweat broke out on his body. Magnus's tongued licked out, tasting the saltiness as it appeared on his chest. His tongue ran over the black runes marking his chest, tangled the hairs that accumulated between the swells of his pectoral muscles, and eventually found its way back to Alec's neck, where he sucked in the sensitive skin and left another mark.

Alec was beyond any form of self-control at this point. He threw his head back, moaning and panting, as he used his hands on Magnus's shoulders for leverage. Magnus took him places he hadn't been for such a long time, higher than any drug could ever get him. He was so close to the edge of the precipice, he knew it was only a matter of time before he fell.

"Alec," Magnus croaked, "please look at me. I need to see your beautiful blue eyes."

Alec lowered his head and looked Magnus directly in the eyes. Magnus's gorgeous cat-eyes were dilated so that only a rim of his irises was visible. As they locked gazed, Alec saw something in Magnus's eyes shift, and felt the hot, pulsing jet within him. A moment later, he released into the insignificant space between his and Magnus's bodies, and then collapsed, utterly spent, against Magnus.

He sat there, resting his head against Magnus's collarbone, heaving for air, as Magnus's hands slowly crept up and down his body. Oh Angel, it felt good to have his hands on him, his fingers outlining the shape of the runes he had never forgotten, and sending jolts of electricity throughout his body. Nothing would ever compare to this. And, try as he may, he couldn't bring himself to feel as guilty as he should this time.

He raised his head slightly, just enough to kiss Magnus's neck and collarbone and shoulder. He looked down and saw the mess he had made of them, and grinned triumphantly. Magnus may have marked his neck, but he had marked Magnus as well. Magnus was his.

Alec sighed. No, Magnus wasn't his. Ethan was his. And he had disrespected him again. He knew Magnus _could_ be his, if he wanted him to be, but right now he was not, and what he had done, again, was wrong. He wrapped his arms around Magnus's slender body and held him close, still kissing his shoulder and neck and the hollow beneath his ear.

Magnus hummed his appreciation of Alec's efforts. Magnus was obviously satisfied, could be satisfied. After all, it wasn't Magnus who was cheating on his boyfriend. Although, to be fair, Alec had felt like he had been cheating on Magnus for years. Every time he slept with Ethan, he had a twinge of guilt for Magnus. It was silly, stupid even. He had walked away from Magnus, and committed to being with Ethan, but no matter how he tried, he couldn't convince his heart. His heart was still Magnus's, he had only borrowed a small piece for Ethan.

_Yes, Lightwood. Try to justify what you have done. You have to be the biggest asshole that ever lived._

If he were honest with himself, he didn't deserve either one of the men who loved him. He had done terrible things to Magnus, and Magnus had wanted him back. And he had broken his heart all over again.

And Ethan, Jesus he didn't deserve Ethan's love. He had been in love with Magnus their entire relationship. He had used Ethan to try to get over Magnus, but it hadn't worked. He had so wanted it to work, but it hadn't, not even a little bit. True, he had put his best effort into his relationship with Ethan, had avoided Magnus at all costs, had even managed to go for somewhat respectable periods of time without thinking about Magnus. But it always came back to him. Every time he had to come to New York, he thought of Magnus. Every time there was a Council meeting, he wondered if this time Magnus would be there. He never was, of course, because he had been avoiding Alec, too.

He slid off Magnus's lap and watched as Magnus magicked their mess away. But he had made a royal mess of a different kind out of everything. He still wasn't sure what he was going to do to resolve it either. One thing was for sure, he wouldn't figure it out with Magnus in such close proximity. Every time he looked at Magnus, every time he smelled the scent of sandalwood and burnt-sugar that always accompanied him, it was all he could do not to jump on him again. He was hopeless, and slightly embarrassed that Magnus could have such a profound effect on him, especially after all these years.

Magnus snapped his fingers and a couple of take-out Chinese containers magically appeared. Alec smiled at him gratefully. He was starving after such a workout. He watched Magnus in silence as they ate their food, wondering what it would be like to be with him again, in more ways than just sexually. He had no doubt that he loved Magnus. He also had no doubt that he loved Ethan, he just loved Magnus more. Was that the answer? Go with the one you love the most? Or should he decide based on what was best for him? Was Magnus right for him? Good for him in any way other than sexually? Could he live his dream with Magnus? He didn't think that was possible.

Still, could he actually walk away from Magnus again? And would he even have a boyfriend to return to? He had no idea how to answer any of these questions. Truth be told, if he could take all the things he loved about Magnus, and make him a mortal Shadowhunter so he could still have the life he wanted, he would do it without thinking twice. Ethan's patience and calm demeanor were probably better for him, but he couldn't help wanting Magnus's eccentricities, his brilliance, his magic, his larger-than-life personality. Magnus was a special person, he had always known that.

"What are you thinking about?" Magnus said, shoving his food container away and leaning back on his couch, folding his arms behind his head. He looked so unbelievably gorgeous, reclining there completely naked, eyes studying Alec. Alec already felt a twinge in his groin.

"I'm thinking it's going to be a long night," he replied, as he discarded his empty container on the coffee table and walked back to the couch, sinking onto it and running his hand along Magnus's thigh. He leaned in and captured his lips again.

It would be a long night indeed.

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><p><strong>AN: For whoever asked, I don't know where the name Ethan came from, but it seemed to fit. I've never seen the show (?) you asked about.**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Thanks for the awesome reviews. I love seeing your opinions and the reasons behind them. This is such a great topic to debate!**

**And Nellie...can you actually read my mind? lol**

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><p>The snow had stopped at some point during the night, but Alec and Magnus had not been watching it. They had made love long into the night, until their bodies were completely spent and couldn't take any more. Then they had fallen asleep with their bodies entangled, holding each other possessively.<p>

But now a new day was dawning, and it was time to face the consequences of their actions. Well, that's not entirely true. _Alec _had to face the consequences. Magnus was free to sleep with whomever he wanted. Alec would be lying if he said he didn't envy Magnus in that regard. He knew today was going to be difficult, made no less so by the fact that he still didn't know what to do. He had to talk to Ethan, there was no doubt about that, but what should he say? 'Hey, baby, I slept with my ex…repeatedly' seemed a bit harsh. Brutal honesty was definitely not the way he wanted to handle it. But he wouldn't lie to Ethan, not anymore. He'd been doing that for way too long. It was time to come clean about his feelings for Magnus, and see where that road took him.

He felt a tight knot forming in his stomach. He had no idea how Ethan would react to this news, and he could already imagine the hurt in his eyes. He hated himself for that.

Alec climbed out of bed, trying his best not to disturb Magnus, and went to the bathroom. A turned on the water, letting the steam fill the room before slipping into the shower. As the water cascaded over his sore body, he let his mind wander.

He had not had marathon sex since the cowboy when he first arrived in Louisville eight years ago. His body was exhausted, even after the coma-like sleep he had just awakened from. He knew there were bruises all over his neck and chest from Magnus's mouth, and a quiver ran through him as he thought of every single one being placed on his body. Oh Angel, that man knew how to press all the right buttons.

But he would not make this decision based on incredible sex. There was too much at stake, too many people stood to get hurt. And his standing in the Shadowhunter community was in jeopardy as well. He loved running the Institute, even if there was still not a lot of work that he had to do in Kentucky. He was keeping everyone in line, which would only mean good things for him in the future. Hell, he was already being given the opportunity to run the New York Institute. His mother may have been the one to offer it, but she had to get permission from the Clave to do so. That meant his work in Louisville was already being noticed, and appreciated. Someone thought he was capable.

Was he willing to give all that up to be with Magnus? He knew, no matter Magnus's protest, that the Clave would never let them live together at the Institute. Which meant that if he were with Magnus, he could never _live_ with Magnus, unless he wanted to give up control of the Institute. How could he make that choice? His ambition versus the love that made him feel alive. Was it wrong that he was struggling with this decision? What did it say about him that he couldn't just pick one?

And there was still Ethan to think about. He really did love Ethan. Ethan had been there for him, even when he acted like a crazy person about coming to New York. He had never pushed him to talk about Magnus or whatever it was that he thought was bothering Alec at those times. He had been the perfect boyfriend. They never fought, hell, they hardly ever disagreed! Their relationship was fun and easy and predictable and all the things that Alec had needed to try to get over Magnus.

But it hadn't worked. He was no closer to being over Magnus than he was when he met Ethan. That had to mean something, didn't it?

With a great sigh, he turned off the shower and reached for the towel. He took his time drying off, but finally reached a point where he was out of excuses. He returned to Magnus's bedroom to find him sitting up in bed, the sheets bunched around his waist, shielding his nude body from Alec's view. It didn't help. As sore as he was, just the thought of Magnus's naked body beneath the covers made him instantly want him again. He really needed to get a grip.

Magnus smiled up at him as he sank onto the bed next to him. A tray of food and coffee magically appeared in Magnus's lap and Alec reached for the coffee and a piece of bacon.

"How do you feel?" Magnus said calmly, but the worry in his eyes gave him away. He was obviously trying to restrain his emotions.

Alec offered a small, half-smile. "I don't even know anymore," he said honestly.

Magnus sat up further, the sheet dipping lower across his abdomen, drawing Alec's eyes. "What are you going to do, Alec?"

Alec sighed. "I'm going to go back to the Institute and talk to Ethan. What else can I do?"

Magnus shook his head. "That's not what I meant, and you know it. What about us?"

Alec averted his eyes. He couldn't look at Magnus and say what he needed to say, not after last night. "I honestly don't know. I need to talk to my boyfriend and try to figure it all out."

"So that's it?" Magnus said, and there was a note of anger in his voice now. "You come here, spend the night with me, make love to me all night long, and you're just going to walk away again?"

"I don't know," Alec said, his voice cracking. "Please try to understand…"

"Fuck that, Alec!" Magnus said heatedly. "Fuck that! I've been understanding. I respected your wishes before because I thought it was too late for us, that I had hurt you too badly when I broke up with you. But it's been ten years, and you come back here telling me you still love me, _showing_ me that you still love me, and now you want me to let you go again? You're out of your fucking mind!"

"Magnus-"

"No! You've had your chance to talk. I've given you space to think, and all you come up with is 'I don't know.' Well, I _do_ know, Alec. I know that I love you, and I know that we belong together. I know it's an impossible situation with you being a mortal Shadowhunter and me being an immortal warlock, and I don't fucking care! I want you, more than I've ever wanted anyone. Doesn't that mean anything to you?"

Alec's eyes flashed to Magnus's face. He saw the anger and the hurt, all the pain he had inflicted on him staring back at him, the pain that he knew was reflected in his own eyes. It nearly broke him.

"I have to go talk to him, Magnus. I owe him that much. He's been really good to me, and I…well, you see what I've done. I can't make any decisions until I talk to him."

Magnus stared at his hands. "What if he forgives you? Are you going to stay with him?" His voice was barely above a whisper.

"Magnus."

"Don't you think I have a right to know if you have no intention of returning?" Magnus said, his voice rising again. "I get that you are confused, and don't know what to do. I know you don't want to hurt anyone, but that's not really possible, is it?" Alec shook his head sadly, and Magnus continued. "How do you think it makes me feel to know that you love me, but that I may still lose you?"

Alec felt the sting of tears behind his eyes. "Please don't make this harder."

Magnus made an exasperated sound and rose from the bed. He threw on a robe and left Alec sitting alone on his bed.

Alec completely understood his frustration. Yet he was powerless to do anything about it until he talked to Ethan. He heaved a sigh, and pushed himself off the bed. It was time to go. He found his jeans and the rest of his clothes still in the living room where he had scattered them the night before. He dressed hurriedly. He could feel Magnus's eyes on him the entire time, and the intensity of his gaze burned Alec to the core.

Once he was finally dressed, he turned back to face Magnus. He crossed the room to where Magnus stood by the window, brooding. Without a word, he leaned in and kissed him, a slow, sweet kiss that nearly tore his heart from his body. He didn't want that to be their last kiss. He never wanted to have a last kiss with Magnus.

When he withdrew, Magnus turned his penetrating stare on Alec, and Alec could feel it in the depths of his soul. He braced himself for Magnus's last ditch effort to keep him, expecting more fierceness, but it never came. Instead, Magnus waved his hand and a notebook appeared out of thin air. Alec recognized it at once. How could he not? It was the same book he had handed back to Magnus ten years ago, the night he walked away from the man he so desperately loved.

Here he was again at the same crossroads. But the stakes were different. He could take the book, take Magnus, learn to live without running an Institute, without the approval of the Clave. He could spend the rest of his life being loved and adored by a strangely wonderful warlock, having fiery, passionate sex, wondering what his boyfriend was going to do next to keep things interesting. He knew he could navigate Magnus's mood swings better this time, after all, he had had more practice at relationships now. He knew that he would never feel alone again.

Or, he could walk away, again, and return to the nice, quiet life he had been leading. A life that was unsatisfying and unfulfilling, but one that gave him more freedom with his career. He knew Ethan would love him and take care of him, at least the thought he would, but he would still have an empty place in his heart and soul where Magnus had been.

He took the book from Magnus's hand and saw the relief in his eyes. Suddenly, a whole stack of journals appeared, hovering in mid-air beside Alec. Magnus smiled sheepishly.

"I've had a lot of time on my hands," he said. "I wrote all of these for you, but I don't want to overwhelm you. Here." He pulled a red notebook from the stack and handed it to him. "This one will tell you how I felt when we first met, and when you asked me out and then I kissed you. It talks about the fiasco of our first date, and how I was already beginning to fall for you. I want you to have it, even if I don't get to have you."

Alec felt a tear slip from the corner of his eye. He couldn't believe Magnus had continued writing his life story for him. He was touched, beyond belief, and he tilted his face up to Magnus's, not bothering to disguise the emotion he knew was written all over it. He saw Magnus's resolve break, and then felt his arms encircle his body and hold him close. He could hear the steady thump of Magnus's heartbeat, and he let that lull him, comfort him, for just a few more minutes.

He pulled away from Magnus and kissed him lightly on the cheek, then he turned to leave.

"Alec, wait," Magnus said, and Alec turned back around. Magnus placed his hands around Alec's neck and pressed his lips tenderly to Alec's forehead. Then, Alec felt the jolt of healing magic move from Magnus's fingers deep into his own tissues. His eyes widened as he realized Magnus was removing his marks, the marks he had made with his mouth during their passionate lovemaking. Magnus looked at him steadily, his face not betraying the pain Alec knew he felt.

When at last Magnus removed his hands from Alec's neck, Alec said, "Why did you do that?" He had not wanted to go to Ethan with hickeys all over his neck, but he knew using a dozen _iratzes_ would have raised just as many questions, particularly since they would not have time to fade before he saw his boyfriend.

Magnus looked sad. "If you come back to me, I want it to be because you want to, not because you had nowhere else to go. If you confronted Ethan with my marks all over you, you wouldn't have the chance to explain anything, to make your decision. I want you, but not like that."

Alec gulped. He didn't deserve Magnus. Or Ethan, for that matter. He didn't deserve to have two men love him so much. "Thank you," he said softly, then turned and exited the apartment while he still had strength enough to do it.

A twenty-minute cab ride later and he was standing in the entry of the Institute, Magnus's journals still in his hands. He rode the elevator on autopilot, not noticing his surroundings. He found Ethan in their room, zipping their suitcase closed. He appeared to be ready to leave, even though they were supposed to be in town a few more days.

Alec laid the books on the dresser and crossed the room to Ethan, his heart tearing open, consumed by guilt. He launched himself into Ethan's arms, startling the man. Ethan took a few unsteady steps backward before recovering his balance and folding his arms around Alec. Alec could feel the tension ebbing in his boyfriend's body as he held him tightly. Ethan kissed him softly on the side of his head, soothing him. And he felt even worse. Ethan should not be comforting him. That was all kinds of wrong!

"Can we go home?" Alec choked out.

Ethan looked worriedly at him. "Are you okay? What happened to you?"

The worry in his voice set Alec even further on edge. What an ass he had been. Ethan didn't deserve to be treated like Alec had treated him.

Alec sighed. "I just want to go home. We have some things we need to talk about, and I don't want to do it here."

Ethan nodded. "I just finished packing. I didn't feel much like staying either. I just hope we can get a flight back home."

Alec gave a small grin. "It's New York. I'm sure the airport is up and running already. Lets get out of here."

Alec took his hand and led him into the corridor. They swung by the kitchen, where his family was gathered, and said their good-byes. Jace eyed him, clearly wanting to talk to him about Magnus, but Alec knew he didn't have the strength to talk to Jace and Ethan today. He had already used so much energy dragging himself away from Magnus. He made a face at Jace, one he knew Jace would understand, one that said he would tell him all about it once he figured out what the hell he was going to do. Jace nodded once in understanding.

He moved on to his mother, telling her he would think about her offer. He wasn't sure he was ready to run a large Institute like this one, and he wasn't sure it would matter. If he went back to Magnus, he would forfeit his right to any Institute. This was something that would all be decided soon enough. Maryse hugged him, and told him to take all the time he needed. He smiled warmly at his mother, trying to convey his appreciation that she wasn't pressuring him.

After a brief hug and words with Izzy, then Clary and Simon, he and Ethan were climbing into a cab and heading to the airport. The flight was uneventful, other than Alec's anxiety about the upcoming discussion with his boyfriend. He wondered if he should still refer to Ethan as his boyfriend after what he had done.

In what seemed like no time at all, he was hauling the suitcase into their bedroom and collapsing on the bed. He was exhausted, and sure that he looked terrible. He felt terrible, in every conceivable way.

"Come on," Ethan said, pulling him to his feet. Alec groaned. All he wanted to do was sleep, but he knew he never would until he had this conversation with Ethan. He still didn't know what he was going to say. He had tossed around ideas during the flight, but none of it sounded right. How could it sound right? Was he an idiot for thinking there were words that would make this situation not so awful? Yes, he thought he likely was an idiot.

Ethan, in true Ethan fashion, tugged Alec to the kitchen, where he made a pot of steaming coffee and pour Alec a cup. The warmth from the coffee invaded his body, and the caffeine made him even more jittery, but he was thankful for the gesture. He was once again reminded of what a great guy his boyfriend was, and how much he didn't deserve what was about to happen.

Alec opened his mouth to speak, but Ethan held up a hand. "Wait. Lets go to the library." Alec nodded and let Ethan lead him to the library, where he promptly started a fire that had the room toasty warm within minutes. Ethan stared at the flames with his back to Alec.

"Where were you last night?" Ethan said softly.

Alec's body stiffened. He knew Jace had told him he was in a hotel seeking refuge from the storm, but the fact that Ethan had asked the question suggested that he knew Jace had been lying. Here it was, the moment of truth. Alec had always been a straight-forward, blunt person. He was honest and truthful, even if the truth hurt. He knew there was never an option where he lied to Ethan, he wasn't that type of person, even if he had surprised himself in the last twenty-four hours. He had never thought he would cheat either.

"I was…with Magnus," he said quietly. He watched Ethan as he spoke, saw his spine stiffen and his jaw set.

"Magnus Bane?"

"Yes," Alec confirmed.

Ethan finally turned around. Alec's anxiety must have shown on his face. Ethan composed his own features into an unreadable mask. "Did you sleep with him?"

Alec held his gaze. It was the least he could do after what he had done. "Yes," Alec said, and watched the emotions flicker in Ethan's green eyes. His face stayed resolute.

"Do you love him?"

Surprise flitted across Alec's face. He had not been expecting that question. He wasn't sure why he hadn't, but he had thought he would have to bring up his feelings for Magnus on his own, somehow. "I do."

He saw Ethan's composure falter momentarily as pain rippled across his face, but he regained control almost immediately, at least in his features. His voice cracked when he spoke. "D-do you still love me?"

That did it. Alec couldn't take the distance any longer. He got to his feet and crossed the room to Ethan. He wrapped his arms around him and pressed his face against Ethan's. "Of course I do. I love you very much."

Ethan's body went rigid and Alec withdrew. Ethan was a few inches taller than him, nearly the same height as Magnus, but the way he looked down at Alec just now made him feel much smaller, diminished. He dropped his arms at the scathing look on Ethan's face. Apparently, Jace had been wrong, he _could_ piss Ethan off.

"How can you say that?" Ethan said, his voice low and angry.

"Because it's true. I love you, and I love him. I know it doesn't make sense, but it's true."

Ethan pushed past him and threw himself on the couch. He looked up as Alec moved to sit next to him. There was confusion and pain in his eyes, and Alec hated himself for making him look that way.

"I'm so sorry, Ethan. I never meant for any of this to happen."

Ethan's head snapped in Alec's direction. "Why don't you tell me _how_ this happened, Alec. Because I don't have a clue. I thought things were going well with us. I asked you to marry me, for the Angel's sake!"

"I know. You haven't done anything wrong, ever. You have been wonderful to me. We have a great relationship."

"Then tell me how you ended up in your ex-boyfriend's bed!"

"I don't know," Alec said earnestly.

"Bullshit!" Ethan practically leapt off the couch and began pacing the floor.

"I don't know, Ethan, I swear. He wasn't supposed to be there."

Ethan froze, then turned to look at Alec. "Wasn't supposed to be where, exactly?"

Alec dropped his gaze. "At his apartment."

"Why the hell wasn't he supposed to be at his apartment?" Ethan scoffed.

"Because he never had been before," Alec said, his voice getting quieter as Ethan's got louder.

"He never…before…_WHAT_?" Ethan gestured wildly around the room as if looking for the rest of the words to his sentence. Alec couldn't blame him. He could see the pieces coming together in Ethan's mind, it was only a matter of seconds before he would know. Then, suddenly, Ethan stilled, his expression growing dark. "Is that were you go every time we go to New York? It is, isn't it? You run off to your ex-boyfriend's place, don't you?"

"I do," Alec confirmed, then hastily added, "but it's not what you think! He's never been there before. I just…I get antsy and I go for a run and see his apartment building. Then I leave. Nothing has ever happened before last night. I swear."

Ethan's eyes narrowed. "Is that supposed to make me feel better?"

Alec shook his head. "No. I just wanted you to know that."

Alec watched as Ethan resumed pacing a hole in the floor. He wished he could do something to comfort him, but they were a long way from that, and still had a lot more to discuss. Before he could stop the words, they tumbled from his lips. "I love you, Ethan."

"Stop saying that," Ethan spat, and Alec flinched. He deserved Ethan's bitterness, but he was so unaccustomed to it. It seemed so wrong coming from him. And it was Alec's fault. He caused his boyfriend to behave this way.

"I'm sorry."

"Stop saying that, too."

Alec fell silent. He didn't know what to do, what to say. He let Ethan pace, until finally, he dropped back onto the couch beside him.

"Where do we go from here?" Ethan asked. His anger seemed to have been ground into the floor with his pacing. He was quiet. He looked defeated.

"I don't know," Alec said honestly. "I didn't plan any of this. It just…happened. I know that's no excuse, there _is_ no excuse for what I've done. I never meant to hurt you."

"Is it over between you two?" Ethan said stiffly.

Alec glanced at him, taking in the stormy look in his eyes, the pain swirling in the green depths. In that moment, he wanted so badly to tell him it was over with Magnus, that he would never have to worry about that again. But he knew that was a lie. He knew he would never stop loving Magnus, would never be able to break the hold Magnus had on him. He opened his mouth to answer honestly, but Ethan continued before he had a chance.

"I could forgive you, Alec," Ethan said, his jaw clenched resolutely. "I could let it go, and stay with you. I love you that much. But I can only do it if you swear that it's over with Magnus, that nothing like this will ever happen again. I want to be with you, but I want to be the only one with you. I can stay, but only on those terms."

A lump rose in Alec's throat. There it was, the ultimatum. Time to choose: Magnus or Ethan. Two men that he loved dearly. His head was spinning. Everything was weighted by the next words that came from his mouth. And yet, he still didn't know what to do.

Magnus. The man he had loved for a decade. The magnet that drew him in, held on, and never let go. The man he had hurt so deeply that he should hate him, yet he was practically begging him to stay, to not leave him again. The man who had held on for ten fucking years. The man who the mere sight of could bring Alec to his knees, whose touch turned him inside out, whose passion reduced him to a puddle. He finally knew how Magnus felt about him after all these years. He wasn't alone in those feelings. How could he walk away again?

And Ethan. The man who kept him grounded, made him feel safe and secure. The man who took care of him, even when he didn't want that. The man who was so sweet and funny and accepting of his flaws. The man who had allowed him to act like a grumpy asshole every time they went to New York, and gave him the space to do what he needed to feel better without ever questioning him. The man who was willing to stay with him even now that he knew he loved someone else. That had to be a rare quality in a lover, didn't it?

Beyond what they did for him, he needed to examine how he felt about them. He loved them both in completely different ways. The fiery passion he had with Magnus was enough to make his toes curl and his hair stand on end. He had never wanted anyone or anything the way he craved Magnus. He had been deluding himself all these years if he ever believed anything different. He wanted Magnus, his whole body wanted Magnus, and not just sexually. He wanted the whole package. The crazy quirks. The sarcastic demeanor. The way he wasn't afraid to go after what he wanted. The glittery flamboyancy that few people in the world could pull off. That wasn't a turn-off for Alec. If anything, seeing Magnus dressed to impress turned him _on._ He knew without a doubt that his heart would never get over Magnus, would never be satisfied unless he was with Magnus. He knew that by the way he responded every single time the warlock looked at him.

But he loved Ethan, too. He did. Not the same way he loved Magnus, but he did love him. He liked the peaceful, quiet life they led in Louisville. He liked sitting in front of the fire and just being together. He liked the way Ethan made him laugh. He liked the twinkle in his eyes when he looked at Alec, when he wanted him. He liked the slow, methodical way he went about doing everything.

And just like that, all the pieces fell into place. The answer was obvious. He liked all those things about Ethan. _Liked._ Ethan was great, but he wasn't Magnus. He could never be Magnus, and it was unfair for Alec to even wish that he could. There was only one Magnus Bane, and he belonged to him. Laying out the comparisons proved that. He loved Ethan, in much the same way he had once loved Jace. And even the feelings he had once had for his _parabatai_, his partner in battle, his best friend, his brother, didn't compare to the feelings he had for Magnus. It wasn't even close.

Alec raised his eyes to Ethan, knowing he would read the truth before Alec had a chance to say the words. He saw Ethan flinch, saw the recognition in his eyes. "I can't promise you that, Ethan. I wish I could. I wish I had found a way to get past this long ago, but I can't, I haven't. I love him, and that will never change."

Ethan nodded. His face belied the internal struggle that had seized him. He could see Ethan's hands shaking, could practically see his heart breaking. He wanted to comfort him so badly, but there was nothing he could do, nothing he could say, because he was the source of Ethan's pain. He was the bastard that had hurt him.

Alec stood, willing his voice to be steady and strong. He didn't have the right to break down, to show his own pain to Ethan. How would that be fair? That wasn't Ethan's burden to bear. It was his, and he deserved to feel that pain.

"I'll go. You can stay here, run the Institute. I'm going back to New York, and figure everything out from there. I'm sorry Ethan, I'm so sorry I hurt you."

Ethan didn't respond, didn't even look up. Alec slowly turned and walked away. He went back to their bedroom and picked up the journal Magnus had given him. He skimmed through it, not really focusing. It didn't matter at this point. He had made his decision, a decision borne of the ultimatum Ethan had given him. He would not lie to Ethan any longer. He would not hide his feelings for Magnus either. He had no idea what was about to happen in his life, whether Magnus would take him back after he walked away again, whether the Clave would allow him to the run the Institute in New York after his mother retired.

At the moment, he didn't care what happened. He was going home, and for the first time in ten years, that didn't scare him. He was looking forward to it.

He hastily packed his things, tossing the book on top of his carry-on bag. Maybe he would read it on the plane. Maybe he would read it when he got to the Institute, before he went to see Magnus. He would have more apologizing to do when he saw him, and he would have to find some way to convince Magnus that he wasn't going to walk away again. He knew a relationship with the warlock would be difficult, but as the saying goes, 'nothing worthwhile is easy.' He had a long road ahead of him, but he knew that it would be worth it.

He opened the door to the Louisville Institute for what was likely to be the last time. He backed out into the weak December sunlight, dragging his bags out onto the stoop, and let the door fall closed behind him. As he started down the walk, a familiar voice startled him, and he nearly jumped out of his skin.

"Going somewhere?"

He whipped around, and dropped his bags out of utter shock. There, leaning against the wall of the Institute, looking ten kinds of sexy, was Magnus Bane. His hair was spiked and he had traces of glitter around his eyes that sparked in the sunlight. He wore a dark, full-length trench coat. His body curved suggestively against the wall, his arms crossed in front of him, one leg draped over the other.

Alec's face split into a smile, which he quickly sequestered. "I am," he said with mock formality, as if speaking to a stranger. "I have a plane to catch."

Magnus inclined his head. "Where might that plane be taking you?" He matched Alec's formality. It was a game, a chess match they were playing.

"If you must know, I'm going to New York City."

"What is in New York City, pray tell?"

Alec lost his battle and grinned stupidly. "The love of my life."

Magnus's breath caught and his eyes shone brightly. He visibly swallowed, obviously trying to get control of his emotions. After a moment, he regained his composure and said, "I happen to be a warlock. I can help you with your travels. There is no need for an airplane."

Alec's grin widened. "You would do that for me?"

Magnus abruptly pushed himself off the wall. In an instant, he had his arms around Alec's waist. "I would do anything for you," he said, and leaned down to kiss him.

Alec lost all semblance of focus as Magnus's mouth covered his. Perhaps he wouldn't have to do as much groveling as he had thought. He smiled inwardly at that thought.

When Magnus finally released him, he looked up into the most beautiful eyes he had ever known, so full of love and brimming with happiness. "I can't believe you are going to walk away from everything…for me," Magnus said, his voice cracking on the last words.

"I would do anything for you," he said, echoing Magnus, and Magnus's face light up.

He had no idea what the future held for them, but he knew that Jace was right. This was his second chance at true happiness. It would be what he and Magnus made of it, and he was determined to make it the best he could.


	4. Chapter 4

"What are you still doing here," Jace said, peeking his head around the corner of Alec's office. "Don't you have plans for tonight?"

Alec looked up from the document he was studying. It was an official Clave document reviewing the number of demon attacks and how each was handled by the New York Shadowhunters the previous year. Just one more in a long line of useless documents from the Clave, but one he had to know to make sure the Conclave was handling their duties correctly.

He sighed as he placed the papers back on his desk. Sometimes he was overwhelmed by the amount of paperwork that went through the New York Institute, as compared to what he had faced in Louisville. There wasn't a comparison, really. No wonder his mom had retired at a fairly young age.

Jace's reminder brought a smile to his face. He did have plans for tonight, big plans.

"You can finish that up tomorrow," Jace stated firmly. "Go. I mean it."

Alec's grin widened. He rose from his seat and grabbed his coat. "Thanks," he said as he headed out the door.

It was a nice summer evening, perfect for walking home to his apartment in Brooklyn, the one he shared with Magnus. He loved nights like this, when he had an opportunity to be alone and reflect on the way his life was going. The warm air was like a heavy blanket resting on his body, hot but not stifling, soothing and comforting.

Two and a half years had passed since that fateful night when Alec had found Magnus again. Alec played that memory in his mind over and over, frequently. It had been a crossroads, a turning point in his life. He had come face to face with his past, and the many mistakes he had made. He had been given a second chance to make it right, and had done just that.

He had struggled initially with hurting his ex-boyfriend, Ethan. He hated himself for what he did to the sweet, loving man. But he had worked hard to shed that self-loathing, that damaging thought process that could only cause more pain to those he loved. He had let it go, moved on, something he had never been able to do with Magnus. That knowledge had given him peace of mind, knowing he had made the right choice. His heart belonged to Magnus, and it always would.

There had been so many unknowns when Alec left Louisville and returned to New York, to Magnus. Where would he live? Would he and Magnus actually make a life together, make each other happy? What would happen to his dream of running an Institute? He hadn't known the answer to any of these questions, and that had weighed heavy on his decision to forge ahead with Magnus. But not heavily enough to deter him from being with the man he loved more than life itself.

Upon his return to New York, he moved back into the Institute. He wanted a chance to clear his head, to process all that had happened in such a short period of time. He knew he loved Magnus, and wanted to be with him, but he didn't think moving in with him immediately was a good idea. And he was now thankful that he had taking a little time for himself.

He lived at the Institute for about three months after his return. He spent much of that time with Jace, but a significant portion of it he spent alone. He wanted the time alone to process everything, to get to know himself better. Everything had happened in such a rush, over a few short days, and he was overwhelmed by it all. He knew staying with Ethan was never really an option, not after he saw Magnus and discovered the depth of his feelings for him. But he had lived so long with the ghost of Magnus in his heart, and trying to squash his feelings, pretending to be something he wasn't, really. He needed this time of self-reflection, so he took it.

He had also enjoyed getting reacquainted with his family. He had spent so long running from his past and avoiding New York, he had missed out on a lot of quality time with Jace and Izzy, and even his mom. He took the opportunity those three months offered. He had missed them so much for the ten years he was avoiding his home, he just hadn't realized _how_ much until he was back with them on a daily basis.

But most of all, he had dated Magnus. Actually _dated _him. Magnus had the brilliant idea of taking things slowly, even after all that had happened. Their first relationship had been turbulent, full of lies and secrets, and further complicated by his unresolved feelings for Jace and the events of the two battles they had fought in. They had also moved incredibly fast the first time around, with Alec quickly moving some of his personal effects into Magnus's loft, and spending the night with him more often that not. They had barreled through the getting-to-know-you-phase and landed in a relationship complete with a psychopathic murderer, missing _parabatai_, kidnapped ex-boyfriend, fiendish ex-girlfriend, love, heartbreak, sex. It was no wonder Alec had been overwhelmed and walked away from it all. They didn't want to make that mistake again.

They needed a new start, so he was surprised and relieved when Magnus wanted to date him. A part of him wanted to jump straight back into their relationship, move his things into Magnus's and just see where it all led. That was the emotional part of him that longed so much for Magnus it actually made his soul ache. But the intellectual part of him saw that Magnus's way was best for them both. They didn't really know much about the other anymore, about what had happened to them in the ten years they were apart. Taking the time to get to know each other better was an unforgettable experience that he would cherish for the rest of his life.

They had also, somehow, refrained from sex for the first three weeks. Alec thought he would die after the first week, he wanted Magnus so badly. But Magnus had shown _remarkable_ restraint. He let Alec come to terms with everything that had changed in his life as he wined-and-dined him, took him dancing, took him to a Downworlders New Year's Eve party, and didn't complicate things by adding sex into the mix.

Alec had fallen in love with him all over again, and this time was so much more special than the first. This time, he knew what he was getting into, he knew to expect the unexpected with Magnus. He knew not to take his moodiness personally, and how to turn it around. He knew the warlock used sarcasm as his primary form of communication, and he learned to love it. This time, instead of just falling in love and damn the consequences, they went into their relationship as adults, and approached it in a way that they could actually build a life together.

He also spent the time reading all of Magnus's journals. He learned about Will Herondale, and the connection with Camille that had sent him spiraling all those years ago, had made him sabotage his relationship with Magnus before it ever really had a chance to become solid. He learned of Magnus's real relationship with Camille, how disastrous that had been, and how much she had hurt Magnus. He learned about Raphael, and now understood why Magnus had wanted to protect the vampire, and what he meant to Magnus.

In short, he learned all the things that had come between them before, so they could keep that from happening again.

After the three month period, Alec had moved into Magnus's apartment, and not looked back. He gave his all to Magnus and their relationship, and watched as the relationship blossomed into the most wonderful thing he had ever experienced. It was magic far beyond Magnus's supernatural capabilities.

Somewhere along the way, his mother, Jace and Izzy, and to his utter astonishment, his _father_, lobbied the Clave on his behalf. They made a case for Alec running the New York Institute. There were protests, mostly about security since Alec was living with a warlock. But Magnus wasn't just any warlock. He had resumed the title of warlock representative to the Council, and many other Shadowhunters took up the mantle in his defense as well. It was quite a long, labored fight, for it wasn't just the position Alec was seeking. He wanted to live with Magnus, and he wouldn't give that up for anything.

In the end, the Clave decided that Alec and Jace would split the running of the New York Institute. They were both capable leaders, and excellent Shadowhunters. They worked well together, and, as _parabatai_, complimented and completed each other. It was the best outcome possible given the circumstances.

Since then, he and Jace had shared the duties of running the Institute. Alec spent his days there, and was always available at night if something urgent came up. This was really no different than being a 'normal' Shadowhunter, as they were always on-call for demon attacks, but he had more responsibility. Jace, who had never moved from the Institute, even after marrying Clary, was there to be responsible for things that happened at night, and to alert Alec if needed. Jace and Alec were a team, as they had always been, since the day of their _Parabatai_ _Ritual._ It may not work for a lot of people at a lot of Institutes, but it worked for them.

Alec smiled. He had it all. More than he had ever thought possible.

He was surprised when he reached his apartment so quickly. His feet knew the path home, and carried him there without his conscious mind being present, just as it had so many times over the years. He was home. With Magnus. Life was good.

He let himself into the apartment, and was immediately rushed by Magnus. _That_ was different. Magnus didn't normally attack him when he entered their home, but then, tonight was special. He had been on edge for weeks, not in a bad way, just…nervous, excited, impatient, eager.

Magnus pinned him against the door as soon as it closed behind him. He linked their hands together and pressed them into the door, pinning his body beneath Magnus's own. And Alec felt the stirring in his groin he got every time he was in close proximity to Magnus, or saw Magnus, or thought about Magnus. Oh hell, he was horny for Magnus all the time. Who was he kidding?

Magnus's mouth found his, claimed his. Apparently, Magnus was a little edgy tonight as well. He knew Alec had something planned, he just didn't know what. It wasn't often that Alec made their plans, especially not plans he was unwilling to tell Magnus about. Magnus had been pestering him for weeks to tell him what was going on, what they were going to do, but Alec had held out, and it was driving Magnus insane. Alec found that he liked having that effect on Magnus. He liked it a lot.

"Let me hop in the shower, Magnus. Then we can go," he said as Magnus sucked on his neck. He let out a low groan at Magnus's hands. Angel, that man did things to him that should be illegal. Alec's pulse was thready, and he suddenly didn't want Magnus to let go of him for fear his unstable knees would give out and he would tumble to the floor.

Magnus grinned against his neck, knowing the effect he was having on his boyfriend. He gave one more nip, and a long, drawn out kiss on Alec's neck, then released the flabbergasted Shadowhunter, and returned to his seat on the couch like nothing had happened. He was such a devil sometimes.

Alec slipped into the shower and let the steam engulf him, easy his anxiety a little. He had nothing to be anxious about, really. It was Magnus. He had nothing whatsoever to fear or worry about with Magnus. Their relationship was solid. In fact, everything in his life was…in a word, perfect.

He thought about that for a moment. Perfect. How could anyone's life be perfect? Perfection was an unattainable goal that only led to disappointment. But, for him, his life _was_ perfect. Oh, he and Magnus still had disagreements. They were too different to have the same views on everything. But they agreed on the important stuff. They agreed on their careers, on their love, on wanting to be together. They agreed to listen to each other when they didn't agree, and to work out their differences. They agreed to hold on to each other, and never let go.

Alec's life was challenging, as was every Shadowhunter's. Finding a way to run the Institute with Jace, fight demons, and still have a separate life with Magnus could be taxing. But it was oh so worth it. The rewards far outweighed the challenges. He couldn't stop the smile that broke across his face.

When he finished his shower, smelling distinctly of sandalwood, he hurried into the bedroom to find the clothes he wanted to wear. Tonight was special, and he was determined to blow Magnus's mind. He slid his arms into the short-sleeved deep blue button-up shirt he had chosen for tonight. Then pulled on the black slacks, and wedged his feet into a new pair of black boots. Hey, he was still Nephilim, and black was his color. Magnus should be glad he hadn't gone with the black shirt, too.

He ran a brush through his drying hair and glanced in the mirror. He was shocked by how much the blue shirt brought out the color of his eyes, even though it was a deeper color than his eye color. His eyes were sparkling, lively, and he just couldn't quit _grinning_.

Satisfied with his appearance, he strode into the living room and found Magnus perched on the arm of the couch. Unless he was mistaken, Magnus had dolled up a bit while he was in the shower. His hair was spiked and he wore a shimmering blue shirt that matched Alec's eye color precisely. His black pants left nothing to the imagination, but Alec's imagination ran wild at the sight.

They both chuckled when they realized they were wearing similar colors, but that was as far as the laughter went. Magnus's gaze roved over him, looking for all the world like he was about to rip Alec's carefully constructed outfit off his body.

Alec licked his lip, and noticed Magnus's knees weaken. The corner of his mouth quirked up when he saw that, and Magnus's eyes narrowed at him.

"Will you tell me the plan now?" Magnus said, his voice husky.

Alec shook his head. Magnus let out an exasperated sigh, and Alec grinned again. Without a word, he took Magnus's hand and lead him out of the apartment.

They caught a cab, and Alec gave the cabbie an address. Magnus cocked an eyebrow at him. Alec knew that would be a drawback of his plan. Magnus knew the city as well as he did. Magnus sat back in his seat and smirked. Alec sighed as if defeated, but inwardly he smiled, knowing Magnus still didn't know his full plan.

Fifteen minutes later, the cab pulled up outside a elegant restaurant and the couple tumbled onto the street, straightening their clothes. Magnus took Alec's hand and started to lead him into the restaurant, assuming that was their destination.

"Uh-uh," Alec said, pulling back on Magnus's hand. He led the warlock down an alley between the buildings, and entered through a wrought-iron gate that was ajar.

This was the back entrance to the restaurant, a private entrance that led to an outdoor sitting area. The gate was normally locked so that patrons had to use the front entrance to come and go, but Alec had arranged for a private party tonight. Very private. A party of two, in fact.

The terrace was cobblestone, with wrought-iron tables and chairs covered with soft cushions for comfort. The patio was covered by wooden arches with flowering vines snaking through them. The illumination consisted of strands of lights and tiki torches that burned brightly against the darkening sky. There were also small candles set on every table, flickering in the slight breeze. Soft music filtered to them, setting a romantic ambience.

The inside of the restaurant was much fancier than this, Alec knew. But this was perfect for them.

They were greeted by a petite girl wearing a starched white shirt and black pants. As she seated them at their table, the sun set, leaving a dramatic pattern of fiery pink, vivid purple and deep blue across the sky. The view was breathtaking.

After placing their orders with the server, Magnus looked around, taking in the scene. "Why are we the only ones here?" he asked when he returned his attention to Alec. "Not that I mind," he added with a twitch of his eyebrows.

Alec smiled. "Because I reserved it just for us," Alec replied.

Magnus's brows shot up in earnest this time. "You reserved the entire patio…for us?" When Alec nodded, he let out a low whistle and said, "What did _that_ cost?"

Alec's grin widened. "I've been saving my money for awhile…and I called in a favor."

Still looking stunned, Magnus said, "Favor?"

"Yeah, the Nephilim helped the owner with a little demon problem a few years ago. He was very grateful…"

"Ah, you Nephilim have all the right connections."

"So it would seem."

Their food arrived promptly, and their server poured another glass of wine for each of them. Liquid courage, so they say. Alec thought he likely needed something stronger tonight, but he didn't want to get drunk. _Drunk_ was not the plan, at all.

Alec had never tasted better food. Everything seemed to melt on his tongue. They ate in silence, listening to the music, and the distant sounds of New York City life, watching the firelight shimmer in the breeze. It was pleasant, comforting, peaceful. Yet Alec's stomach was in knots. He could barely finish his food, delicious as it was.

When the server came to take away their plates, Alec cleared his throat. Magnus's head snapped in his direction, suddenly on alert, as if Alec's throat-clearing was a signal…which it was. Alec threw back the rest of his wine, still wishing for something stronger, and took Magnus's hand across the table. The light from the candle made Magnus's skin glow, and reflected off the half dozen rings adorning his fingers. Alec steeled himself, and raised his gaze to capture Magnus's.

He could feel Magnus's pulse quicken…or was that his own. "Magnus…" he began, then paused.

"Alec?" Magnus prompted. His gaze was so intense, Alec wondered if he would actually burn a hole through him.

Alec laughed shakily. "This is long overdue. Why am I so nervous?" He shook his head, and took a deep, steadying breath. "I love you, Magnus. I've always loved you, and I always will. I want to grow old with you, even if I'm the only one growing old. I want to spend my life with you…Will you marry me?"

Alec could tell that somewhere along the way Magnus had figured out what was happening. He could read it in his eyes. But that didn't stop him from sucking in his breath, didn't stop the glisten that appeared in his green-gold cat eyes. "God, yes," he said, and slipped out of his chair, dragging Alec into his arms.

Their lips met in a sweet, loving, emotional kiss, their arms twining around the other's body and holding each other close. The kiss seemed to go on forever, or maybe it was only a few minutes. Alec lost track of time. Time was irrelevant. The only thing that mattered was Magnus and Alec, their embrace, their kiss, their engagement.

When at last they broke away, they were both feeling light-headed, not only from the kiss, but also the fact that they were committing their lives to each other. They were getting married. The thought was a very intoxicating.

Alec took a step back and held up his hand. He gently slid the Lightwood family ring from his finger and fitted it to Magnus's. The ring molded to Magnus's more slender finger, as if it were made specifically for him. Alec couldn't restrain the emotion that welled up in him seeing his ring on Magnus's finger, knowing the significance of that ring and that gesture. He had everything he had ever wanted in a partner, in his career, in his life.

Magnus swept him into his arms again, and they gently swayed to the music, letting it absorb into their bodies and move them. Eventually, the words to the song trickled in as well.

_"Sometimes the very thing your looking for_  
><em>Is the one thing you can't see<em>

_And now we're standing face to face_  
><em>Isn't this world a crazy place<em>  
><em>Just when I thought our chance had passed<em>  
><em>You go and save the best for last"<em>

This was it. This was the best he could have ever asked for.

Magnus held him tighter and swept his lips across Alec's. The kiss was so sweet and tender and full of love. Alec had no doubts about their relationship. He often wondered how he had ever had any. Sure, they had more than their fair share of challenges to overcome, but love like this doesn't come along every day. Love like this is once in a lifetime…and the benefits far outweigh everything else that comes along.

Alec had never been happier, more content, more fulfilled, than he was at this very moment. Tonight they would dance the night away…tomorrow they would start planning their wedding.

Life was good.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: The song is "Save The Best For Last" by Vanessa Williams. **

**I hope you guys like this little story. Thanks to all the readers. You guys rock!**


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